Look around you…

Romans 1:20
“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. “

I see the invisible attributes of my creator all around me. As I write this I stare out into the open and wild nature outside my window. I am at peace. A lot of times I don’t need words. I can sit here and think a million different thoughts from thousands of different inspirations, but when it all comes down to it, I can never fully express the love I have for my savior, or the desire to worship him. Words don’t last, at least not forever, they are merely an expression of things I cannot voice.

I long for more moments such as these, when I can merely bask in the radiance of his love for me. I am blissfully content to simply be able to call God who loves me with no reserve my father. I am willing and even happy to confess I have no merit. It is by no merit of my own that I am accepted by the creator of the universe.

I am alive. I am breathing in hope.

Psalm 8

1 O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory
above the heavens.
2 From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise [b]
because of your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.
3 When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
5 You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings [c]
and crowned him with glory and honor.
6 You made him ruler over the works of your hands;
you put everything under his feet:
7 all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,
8 the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.
9 O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

(I can’t think of a TITLE)

Random poem I randomly wrote cause I’m random like that…

It’s not that great…

Your the God who doesn’t change

You’re the maker of all things

You’re the hands that hold my heart

You’ve been with me from the start

I know you have things planned for me

I know that when I’m down on my knees

You make me stronger than I’ve ever been

You give me hope that’s coming from within

And I, can do nothing but praise you

For the things you do

For making me new

And I, can do nothing but worship the man

Who’s loved me from before time began

Your changing me now

And I’m learning somehow

That peace is not something unreachable

That with you I’m  unshakable

And love, is the greatest emotion

It puts my world into motion

How can I do anything but give you this devotion?

I’m free, from the chains that enslaved me

I’m learning to see

I’m learning to fly

I’m learning how to say goodbye

And let people back in…

Open up my heart again

And there is something I cant explain

I think its called grace

And maybe I can’t erase

All my mistakes

But somehow they aren’t a disgrace

I think I’m finally learning to be

All the things you meant for me

I think I’m finally getting past fear

Finally sensing your real…

Through every moment of pain

Through every second of shame

you were there with me then

And you’ll be here again

When I can’t look at the scars

You point my eyes towards the stars

And remind me that yesterday is past

My shame is surpassed by your grace

And that’s why I believe

That in you there’s relief…

That in you I am free

Maybe they’d still be ok

Ok this was originally meant to be a song but it turned into Just a poem, maybe I will make it a song later…

Tear stained pages

Hopeless apathy

She lives each day up on a stage

Why is she like this?

Why is she broken?

When she looks in a mirror

All she can see

Is everything she believes

Defines the life she’s living

She can’t live up to the standards

So she tells another lie

“I already ate today”

And people never notice

how much smaller she is…

Another wasted life

Another aching heart

Her looks were never good enough

So one day she just broke apart

Maybe if you had told her

You thought she was beautiful

She could have seen herself today

How God see’s her every day

Maybe she’d still be ok…

What you see of him

Is what he lets you see

You won’t get past the plastic smile

Unless he gives you the key

There is so much that he hides

Because he knows you’ll think it’s strange

But when he laughs at all those jokes you make

He’s tearing up inside

he can’t live up to the standards

So he locks away his feelings

And never tells a soul

And people never notice

The knife that took its toll

Another wasted life

Another aching heart

He  was never strong enough

So one day he just broke apart

Maybe if you had told him

You thought his life had meaning

Maybe he could have seen himself today

The way God see’s him every day

Maybe he’d be alive, Maybe he’d be ok..

But instead you walk by

you ignore the sighs of those around us

because you want to fit in

you fail to reach out

but each day you let pass

adds more doubt to their minds

just a few kind things you say

help them fight the lie

that giving up is the easy way

and when you hold their hands back

from a gun, bottle or blade,

one more life is saved.

So show them Christ’s light

help them fight this long war

understand their pain before you ignore

if they knew that you cared

maybe they wouldn’t shut the door

to their hearts quite so fast

maybe they could let go of their past

the choice is yours to make

help them up

or leave them to break

Black and White

Living life in black and white and gray. Colorful fantasy dissipating. Because I fight a losing battle. But a battle that must be fought, even if I cannot win. When all I am is crying out, I must keep on pushing towards light. Even if it is fading I must keep pushing towards it… Even if I am surrounded by colorless clouds that hide the stars.

My Savior, my Redeemer, where are you? When did my heart stop beating for you? When did color fade to black and white and gray…

Here I lie broken at your feet. But with every new mark of shame, I will remember to keep on fighting for the one who takes my scars away. When the lights go out I will remember to run to you, to fight for color. To strain against the black and white.

Perhaps I cannot win… But I am not called to win, I am called to fight.

——–

<start random musing for the day>

I have discovered over the past year or so, how much I appreciate writing… I didn’t used to enjoy writing. Until my life came to a point where the words I wanted to say could not be expressed out loud. They flowed  into the pages of my journals, into page after page of poetry, into the many hours I began to spend at my piano. There is just something about writing, about poetry, about music, that is daring. Daring enough to speak about the darkest things, and offer hope when all to be seen is despair.

You’ll make it

Hold the smile

Hold the smile

You can make it one more day

You can make it one more mile

Lock it inside

Lock it inside

Act like you have the answers

Act like you have nothing to hide

Play the game

Play the game

They needn’t know what’s in your heart

They needn’t know your greatest shame.

Keep on going

Keep on going

Don’t leave any hurt in sight

Don’t leave any weakness showing

Your gonna be ok

Your gonna be ok

Even if everything around you falls

Even if you don’t have words to pray

Here’s my hand

Here’s my hand

I’m not letting you hurt alone

I’m not letting you slip into this quicksand

Scream and shout

Scream and shout

I hear you breaking down

I hear you crying out

Full of Contrast

We are people full of contrast. We are full of ambition, hope, and dreams.

But we live lives also filled with pain and hurt. Broken hearts and pent up emotions.

We scream and shout and sing. We love and we hate. We trust and we deceive

We stand strong, and we break down. Crying out in agony, and screaming out in relief.

We long for something bigger than ourselves. Bigger than our pain, and bigger than our problems.

But what is the answer, to the question everyone asks at some point?

When does the search for peace end?

Must let go. Must give up. Halway is not good enough.

Falling down broken at the feet of Jesus.

Drown out the voices.

Sit here surrounded

Drown out the screaming voices

Retreat into your mind

It’s do or die. Just make the choice

Sing the song of pounding thoughts

Embrace the pain and ease the ache

Dont admit that your caught

Just shout out louder

Can’t accept can’t deny

Twist and bend, but don’t fall over

Pick up your shattered heart

Lock it, hide it, no second chance to start

Where are you running to?

You can only retreat for so long

Backed into a wall

Cold hard facts. You don’t belong.

Palms of your hands reaching up

Cry the tears release the fears

Might be silently screaming

But wipe away the doubt

Twist and bend but Im not falling over

Hold my shaking hands

He is still calling out

Climb out of the boat. Put your feet on land

Pulling desire yet such a fear

Craving the very thing I push away

So hopeless and alone

But the only remedy is my worst fear

I hope you know how hard this is

But I trust you.

Tear me apart if you must

Just don’t ever leave…

For Julie

I wrote this poem a while back for Julie, my best friend in the world. Idk why i didn’t post it till now…

When every dream around me ends

And I lose hope in who I am

I run to you, my closest friend

Together there’s so much we’ve been through

You know  I’ve questioned my faith too

This is not something new

But you held my hand

You helped me stand

And maybe you don’t understand

But pain is part of God’s bigger plan

I’m not gonna leave your side

Maybe I can’t make things different

Cause there’ve been many times I’ve tried

But girl I’m not letting go of your hand

Cause just like you listened to ever tear I’ve cried

It’s my turn to be strong And let you lean on me

I’m by you side, let your faith be a guide

Turn over, look up at the sky

See the stars

Their shining in the night

I know its tough to accept

That God let’s us hurt so much

But he’s seen every tear you’ve ever wept

And when you feel so alone

He’s still next to you

He’s never been gone

I need you to realize

That your beautiful in his eyes

Please don’t give up hope

Do you remember the day

When you told me “you’ll make it.”

When you told me “I love you.”

Do you remember those words

That saved my life,

That gave me hope

And made me drop my knife

Do you remember those?

Well that’s how much you meant to me

You are not just some wilted rose

And I pray that you would see

I pray that you get free

And I’ll give those words back to you

Cause girl your gonna make it through

Hold on to what you know is true

Remember I always love you.

Beautiful in His Eyes

I wrote this song for three of my closest friends. Julie Deibler, Emily Coyle, and Lizzie Filipe… I  love you guys, and I needed to say these things. I want to write you a song… because they don’t wait for a resolve… they are brave enough to sing when all they know is darkness.

Verse 1:

I can see that look in your eyes

The uncertainty that grips your mind

Endless wondering and dread combined

Yours nights spent in tears

Your days are unclear

But…

Chorus:

There’s still something that I know is true

Jesus love will see you through

You are never left alone

And God can take away these tears

He can silence all these fears

But you got to choose to let them go

Verse 2:

Beautiful in your creators eyes

Made for a purpose, created for a plan

Every hair on your head

Every beat of your heart

I wish that you could understand

He treasures you, he holds your hand

And…

Chorus2:

There is something that I know is true

Jesus love will see you through

You are never left alone

And when you feel unbeautiful

Know I’m telling you the truth

God can take away these tears

He can silence all these fears

But you got to choose to let them go

Bridge:

You’re the most important thing to me

I only wish that you would see

When you cry out while on your knee’s

It’s then that you’ll find hope,

its then that you’ll be free

(repeat chorus one)

Let them go,

They were paid for long ago.

Yet Again

God where are you?

How much can I take?

I’m struggling to stay true.

Not again, I cannot break,

But God I’m in pain

Can’t you see these tears?

I was doing good before these doubts came

Make my sight clear,

How much will you put me through?

Can I even make it past today?

I long for what I use to do

I don’t even have any words to pray

My fragile heart is breaking

My breath is running out

My ability to resist is slowly waning

Why do I choose to doubt?

But al of this can’t change things

Perhaps my hope has disappeared

But when in brokenness I sing…

I remember your still here

If I don’t hear your call

You keep holding out your arms to me

If I stumble, if I fall,

You keep helping me to see

To see that your still here

To see your always near

To see you can dry each tear

That you can wipe away my doubts and fear…

When everything I love is lost

And I forget what you have taught

You still pay the cost for me

I might be confused but you are not…

When I am lost you have not lost me